faith, Information, Wonder

God is in the Details, Too

I sat outside this morning wondering about Life and all of that, and as I wondered if God thought I was doing a good job, a chickadee alit upon the deck railing and regarded me as though they had a question, or maybe an answer.

Maybe chickadees are just that.

The little thing hopped up onto the deck light, and then fluttered around my upstairs window (as though to say, maybe, get back to work!), then over my head and onto the clothesline, to regard me again, before sailing off on some new chickadee quest. Whatever those might be like.

I know, I know. life is full of “patterns” and “coincidences”. I get it. If I roll a die enough times, a string of 1’s or 4’s or 6’s will come up and seem quite unusual, even though all they are doing is proving they are truly random. As random as random can be.

I nonetheless see things happening in good timing, sometimes, and I am here, in any case, to take of things what I will – and then hopefully give back better than I’ve been given, at some future point.

My point is – from my point of view – God came to me this morning on the wings of a Chickadee, and told me to say hello, from Him (or Her), to you.

And now that is what you’re reading me do.

A/B, Decision, faith, Information, Opinion

Ode to the Bots Who Follow My Blog

And the Alts and Such Too: I Should Not Forget You…

These days, it is impossibly hard to know what is real, and what is not-so real.

I know real people are real, and feelings are real… and thoughts are real (at least to other thoughts).

But are the Bots?

Who has created the creations that convince me I’m being followed here? Should I write to the created, the creator? Or neither, or both?

How many real people on the real Internet of Things have at some point wondered if I, too, am not who they think that I say that I am?

I could give you my street address, and my health card information, and tell you where I grew up and who my childhood best friend’s name was, or is.

I could tell you my phone number.

I could send you a photo.

But what would any of that do, but appeal my improvable reality, to you?

My name is not BB Butterwell – it’s Mike. I might erase that later, because on here, I like being BB. I miss my own grandmothers and so I guess she’s the grandmother I would have been, had I been one to be. So I will be BB. At least here. Don’t tell anyone.

That doesn’t mean I’m an Alt though, with a capital A – or a Bot, with the B. Not in the way those things are often used on the Internet anyhow – to make people wonder about their situation, and who’s watching, and why. To question their metrics. My alt is a vanilla pseudonym. I don’t mind saying it. You just have to read my posts and eventually you’ll find the cross-linkiness. There is no additional subterfuge beyond that.

But of course you can’t know that, can you? “Mike” is a pretty suspiciously common name, isn’t it? Blame my parents. Also, I’m named after a frickin archangel. I will not complain, because, if nothing else, I do not wish to be rude to archangels. I will share and shorten his name, sure thing.

I’ll tell you my plan for this blog: I’m going to eventually remove all the clues as to who BB is, and let the Reader assume she’s BB, and not me. I’ll try writing more as though I’m older. Some small number of exceptional folk who found this blog first will know I’m actually Mike, and that will be the joke.

I’m not really a comedian. Maybe that’s funny, I don’t know.

I’ve had two beers. This might be why I’m writing like this. I have been cutting back, so apparently I’m now quite efficient at getting a buzz on.

I did not say BB was a Teetotaller.

This post went off on its own rails.

I hope you’re staying safe.

You’re a good person.

How do I know?

I just do.


Lettered Betters, Part III

My local bank reminded me how to dream. Imagine that.

Curious thing about being Human: You don’t retain every bit of wisdom you’re ever faced with, the first time it faces you. Sometimes, you need reminders. It doesn’t quite matter where those reminders come from, only that they help you remember.

I have been trying to become a better implementer of dreams. This is ongoing work. It has led me to try time-management tricks and online TODO lists, and even more conversations with God, about how I might manage to follow through on some things.

It has been understandably messy. Being Human is messy, sometimes. We come into the world as a beautiful mess, and proceed to make a mess of ourselves and our environment – if we’re lucky enough to be healthy enough to get on with the business of immediate mess-making.

This tendency to approach life in a messy manner (that is, as though we are not in fact perfect machines, but rather perfectly imperfect ones) does not fundamentally change, it only becomes more under our general control – if we’re lucky enough to be healthy enough to get on with the business of being given more control.

The principles leading toward a better life often seem overly simple, yet strangely difficult. I like to think that it is perfectly possible for a person to thoroughly discover how to live a good life without having any access to any Internet, or formal education, or even a book.

You do need other people though… and while those other things help immensely (and somebody does need them, somewhere, I truly believe), provided we at least have each other to spread the hints and the word, the way forward will always be knowable to us, through our strange and common channels and channellings.

A/B, Decision, Letters, Wonder

Writing One or More Moiras

The other night, I dreamt that I should “write a moira”.

When I awoke enough to realize this, I had the choice of either drifting back to sleep (and almost certainly forgetting this dreamt suggestion), or else getting myself out of bed long enough to Google whether a “moira” was some kind of thing one could write – perhaps it was an acronym for something that could be written. Technical jargon, is what I imaged it might be. I chose to get up and Google it.

“Writing a Moira” of course returns results either about or otherwise from writers named Moira. There were no immediate recommendations on how to write one – just confirmation that quite a few of them were already out there writing, or being written about, or both.

Today, on a hunch, I looked to see if “moira” might also be a writeable noun, and it turns out that it kind of is.

So I am now left to wonder whether I have been told to write to someone named Moira (and if so, which one of the myriad of Moiras?), or just write a moira – a destiny (and if so, whose, and to what end?)

This dream fragment is compellingly open-ended one for interpretation, and so I must now consider carefully how to now best proceed with this assignment.

Since Life often seems to be an A/B decision, I should first decide whether I am asked to write a destiny (a “moira”, the singular of moirai, or Fates), or else write (that is, write to) someone named Moira.

The dream did not say to write several Moiras (or moirai) – it told to to write a moira… but then presumably left it up to me (and/or you) to decide which kind of [M|m]oira it meant, and then, which one to write (or write to).

And so then, what would you do?

A) Write to a real person named Moira
B) Write into existence a moira about a fictional person


Lettered Betters, Part II

I have been lately listening to ambient, looping “Lofi” music on Youtube and I think I’ve fallen into a hole, but it’s not a bad one. Just one that makes me want to switch gears radically, if only for a moment, or a week, or for the rest of my life. I can’t quite decide.

One thing I like about this world of chill-out music are the comments in the comments sections. Mostly Humans just giving each other love. That is the power of music, I suppose. Maybe though that is just the power of Love, once again, come ’round.

People can just be truly, truly lovely to one another, given a small chance.

In the comments section of this Lofi video, I found the following sentiment that was meant for sharing, and so, in the spirit of Good Friday, I would like to share it with you here, in the hopes it might find somebody looking for just this thing, in just this moment.

For all of you who are struggling with a hard time in your life. Disclaimer!!! I did not write this!
“Suicide doesn’t stop the pain,” “It gives it to someone else.”

  • [ ] 1: We would miss you.
  • [ ] 2: It’s worth it to be alive.
  • [ ] 3: It does get better – believe it or not, it will eventually get better.
  • [ ] 4: There’s so much you would miss out on doing.
  • [ ] 5: You are worth it – don’t let anyone, even yourself tell you otherwise.
  • [ ] 6: You were made for a reason – you have a reason.
  • [ ] 7: There is always a reason to live.
  • [ ] 8: So many people care about you.
  • [ ] 9: You are amazing!
  • [ ] 10: I don’t even know you and I love you.
  • [ ] 11: I care for you.
  • [ ] 12: There are plenty of people that love you.
  • [ ] 13: You are literally perfect ❤
  • [ ] 14: There are plenty of people that haven’t met you yet. They want to meet you.
  • [ ] 15: God loves you.
  • [ ] 16: We love you.
  • [ ] 17: Sometimes life is hard but it will make you a stronger person. You’re already strong. Just imagine.
  • [ ] 18: What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do? What about all the things you’ve planned, but never got around doing? You can’t do them if you leave early.
  • [ ] 19: I want you to be alive.
  • [ ] 20: So many people want you to really live.
  • [ ] 21: You won’t be able to listen to Music if you leave.
  • [ ] 22: You’ll never be able to listen to your favourite song if you’re gone.
  • [ ] 23: You’ll never be able to listen to your favourite singer if you’re gone.
  • [ ] 24: You’ll never be able to listen to your favourite rapper if you’re gone.
  • [ ] 25: Listening to really loud music!
  • [ ] 26: Taking your own life is never worth it – you’ll hurt both yourself and the people who care about you.
  • [ ] 27: There are so many people that would miss you, including me.
  • [ ] 28: The clouds!
  • [ ] 29: You are beautiful.
  • [ ] 30: Someone out there would die for you :’) Did you know that? It is true.
  • [ ] 31: How do you think your family would feel? What about the family you have yet to meet? They are waiting to meet you.
  • [ ] 32: Prove doubters wrong with your success.
  • [ ] 33: Writing that novel, or that poem, or that song!
  • [ ] 34: You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day.
  • [ ] 35: You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a cold building on a hot day.
  • [ ] 36: Being stupid in public just because you can!
  • [ ] 37: Helping other people.
  • [ ] 38: You have a future to live for. It’s hidden right now, because it’s a surprise.
  • [ ] 39: Being alive is hard sometimes, but it’s worth it.
  • [ ] 40: Thinking about happy memories… Making new ones to think about.
  • [ ] 41: Finding your soulmate.
  • [ ] 42: All-nighters!!!
  • [ ] 43: Sleeping in all day…
  • [ ] 44: You can look back at yourself later in your life and be glad you didn’t choose to leave before the best parts.
  • [ ] 45: Nobody could ever replace you. You are distinctly unique.
  • [ ] 46: You are unique – did we say that already?
  • [ ] 47: Pets!
  • [ ] 48: Petting pets!
  • [ ] 49: Netflix and movies.
  • [ ] 50: Trees and flowers and nature.
  • [ ] 51: Dreams that make you smile!
  • [ ] 52: Breakfast in bed!
  • [ ] 53: New & old clothes.
  • [ ] 54: New & well-worn shoes.
  • [ ] 55: New & used books.
  • [ ] 56: Sunrises and Sunsets – and more sunrises.
  • [ ] 57: Friends.
  • [ ] 58: The ocean.
  • [ ] 59: Sunlight.
  • [ ] 60: Your family. Other families – our wider family.
  • [ ] 61: Inside jokes.
  • [ ] 62: Birthdays!
  • [ ] 63: Christmas & All of the other occasions of all of the other people & places.
  • [ ] 64: Family traditions and community events.
  • [ ] 65: The taste of your favourite food. The taste of somebody else’s favourite food!
  • [ ] 66: TV shows.
  • [ ] 67: Movies.
  • [ ] 68: Going to new places.
  • [ ] 69: The ability to peruse whatever you choose – there are over 7 billion people on Earth, don’t be afraid to be you.
  • [ ] 70: To earn a living and unexpected surprises.
  • [ ] 71: You can flip your life around – sometimes it’s hard, sometimes it takes time… but it will happen for you.
  • [ ] 72: To find the perfect job/career for you
  • [ ] 73: Pizza!
  • [ ] 74: Kittens & Puppies.
  • [ ] 75: New haircuts.
  • [ ] 76: Moments you can look back to and laugh at.
  • [ ] 77: The clouds (they’re worth mentioning more than once).
  • [ ] 78: The world is better with you in it.
  • [ ] 79: Roller Coasters ~~~~
  • [ ] 80: Showers…
  • [ ] 81: Cake!
  • [ ] 82:Growing old and becoming truly epic.
  • [ ] 83: Growing old with people you love.
  • [ ] 84: Singing!
  • [ ] 85: Sleeping…
  • [ ] 86: Ice cream.
  • [ ] 87: Cookies!
  • [ ] 88: Warm feelings that come out of good thoughts.
  • [ ] 89: Movie nights.
  • [ ] 90: Candy (moderation!)
  • [ ] 91: Popcorn.
  • [ ] 92: Daydreaming….
  • [ ] 93: Happy moments.
  • [ ] 94: Holidays and regular days.
  • [ ] 95: Sleepovers.
  • [ ] 96: Parties and gatherings!
  • [ ] 97: Having a good personality. Having your personality.
  • [ ] 98: Making people happy.
  • [ ] 99: Campfires.
  • [ ] 100: Sitting on rooftops ^^^
  • [ ] 101: Vacations >>>
  • [ ] 102: Hearing crazy stories!
  • [ ] 103: Telling crazy stories!
  • [ ] 104: Treehouses!
  • [ ] 105: Coffee & tea and water and juice.
  • [ ] 106: You’ve changed someone’s life for the better already. Did you know that?
  • [ ] 107: If you leave early, how will you achieve the greatest things you have yet to do?
  • [ ] 108: Everyone has talent including you.
  • [ ] 109: Having original thoughts that nobody in the history of Us has ever had, in quite the way you just did.
  • [ ] 110: Hanging out with your friends. Making new friends. Helping other people make new friends.
  • [ ] 111: Nobody could ever replace you.
  • [ ] 112: You have so much to live for.
  • [ ] 113: Your dreams need some fulfilling. You are the ideal candidate to pull that off.
  • [ ] 114: Living life to the fullest!
  • [ ] 115: Reading really long lists………………..
  • [ ] 116: Your family and friends would be devastated if you were gone.
  • [ ] 117: Someone out there is constantly praying to meet someone like you. That’s Truth.
  • [ ] 118: Your future awaits You… it’s your future!
  • [ ] 119: You could save so many lives…
  • [ ] 120: You are too beautiful to disappear
  • [ ] 121: You are bigger than any of your problems.
  • [ ] 122: You are never alone during this struggle.
  • [ ] 123: Tomorrow is a new day!
  • [ ] 124: You are worth more than you think.
  • [ ] 125: But, the final and most important one is, just being able to experience life, because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now, anything could happen!


All suicide hotline numbers if you need someone to talk to :

  • [ ] Argentina: +5402234930430
  • [ ] Australia: 131114
  • [ ] Austria: 142; for children and young people, 147
  • [ ] Belgium: 106
  • [ ] Bosnia & Herzegovina: 080 05 03 05
  • [ ] Botswana: 3911270
  • [ ] Brazil: 188 for the CVV National Association
  • [ ] Canada: 1 .833 .456 .4566, 5147234000; 18662773553 (outside Montreal)
  • [ ] Croatia: 014833888
  • [ ] Denmark: +4570201201
  • [ ] Egypt: 7621602
  • [ ] Estonia: 3726558088;
  • [ ] Russian 3726555688
  • [ ] Finland: 010 195 202
  • [ ] France: 0145394000
  • [ ] Germany: 08001810771
  • [ ] Holland: 0900767
  • [ ] Hong Kong: +852 2382 0000
  • [ ] Hungary: 116123
  • [ ] India: 8888817666
  • [ ] Ireland: +44058457909090
  • [ ] Italy: 800860022
  • [ ] Japan: +810352869090
  • [ ] Mexico: 5255102550
  • [ ] New Zealand: 0800543354
  • [ ] Norway: +4781533300
  • [ ] Philippines: 028969191
  • [ ] Poland: 5270000
  • [ ] Portugal: 21 854 07 40/8 . 96 898 21 50
  • [ ] Russia: 0078202577577
  • [ ] Spain: 914590050
  • [ ] South Africa: 0514445691
  • [ ] Sweden: 46317112400
  • [ ] Switzerland: 143
  • [ ] United Kingdom: 08457909090
  • [ ] USA: 18002738255
  • [ ] Veterans’ Crisis Line: 1 800 273 8255/ text 383255

songs that could make you happy 🥺
Personal by HRVY: @YJpE
I like me better by Lauv: @ozwA
Classic by MKTO: @A4Ds
Just friends by JORDY: @eINM
Eastside by Benny Blanco,Halsey,& Khalid: @UvGY
What makes you beautiful by 1D: @-A4E
Cheerleader by OMI: @QfW8
Everybody talks by Neon Trees: @84lE
Dear future husband by Meghan Trainor: @D_40
Backyard Boy by Claire Rosinkranz: @shy8
Shut up and dance with me by WALK THE MOON: @lx6Q
iSpy by KYLE: @gMPU
Trap queen by Fetty Wap: @NKio
LMK by Lil XXEL: @IC24
Dynamite by BTS: @WNZg

  • fun facts!
  1. Otters hold hands when sleeping is they don’t drift away from each other
  2. Penguins only have one mate their entire life, they also propose by giving them a pebble
  3. Cows have best friends
  4. You’re perfect ❤
  • another message: –


To all those people being bullied

  • To all those people who have lost a loved one
  • To all those people who have lost a pet
  • To all those people being abused
  • To all those people going through depression
  • To all those people with anxiety
  • To all those people in poverty
  • To all those people going through a breakup
  • To all those people having a bad day
  • To all those people with insecurities
  • To all those people just having a hard time

Don’t forget

  • Your weakness today
  • Is your strength tomorrow
  • It always gets better
  • Your loved ones will remain in your hearts
  • You always have the memories
  • Love yourself
  • Stand up for yourself
  • Money can’t buy happiness
  • Those lovers
  • Just weren’t right
  • Don’t abuse yourself
  • Don’t abuse others
  • Kill them with kindness
  • Treat people with kindness
  • We’ve all had these times
  • There will always be a hole in our chests


  • Let’s all be each others’ strength
  • whether you’re
  • Black
  • White
  • LGBTQ+
  • Christian
  • Atheist
  • Etc
  • Love yourself
  • Love others
  • Don’t cut
  • Don’t kill
  • Don’t criticize
  • Don’t do drugs
  • Don’t starve yourself
  • Don’t starve others

We aren’t supposed to do any of that

  • Just keep your strength
  • Keep your faith
  • Don’t change because you were told to
  • Be yourself
  • Sometimes holding in all your pain isn’t the best thing to do – sometimes you need to let somebody know how you’re feeling.
  • Have a great day, and don’t stop spreading awareness about things that are happening currently in the world.
    ⚠️ this is not my text, that however doesn’t mean that I don’t agree with every single word said here. out of the experience, it destroys people. Please don’t be afraid to ask for help.
    Please, I beg you, please don’t do it. You are worth it and there are people who love you.⚠️
    I need everyone to pass this on.
    💗 ✊🏻✊🏼✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿
    Copy this…. Save this… Share this…
faith, Wonder

Order of Operations

I am largely uncertain how to organize anything in my life, much less the big things.

Whenever I see these Dollar Store Stones, I feel impelled to arrange them in some kind of shape.

What comes first: Hopes or Dreams?

Where does Belief fit into it all?

Is Love the beginning or the end of all of this?

Or is each virtue like a stepping stone,

arranged in a endless cycle

of better seasons?

The pragmatic in me has for some time thought of Hope as the fundamental thing; what else can be done deliberately and also well, after all, if it is not first hoped for?

But then, what good is it to hope for something to come to pass, if you can’t bring yourself to believe it is possible also?

Is it worth hoping for anything which you cannot also believe to be possible?

And can you hope anything without first being able to dream it?

And then… where do dreams come from? Where?

Some say that God is the ground of all things, or the Source, or just Love…. it seems God might be in all of the things, and also the source in which all things are. What does this mean? I don’t mean to suggest I have any answers – I barely understand the vocabulary of faith, and I don’t know what to believe, or even how to express the possibilities, or enumerate the components.

Is Love where Dreams, and then Hopes – and then the Belief in these things as possible – come from?

Or is it the Belief in the possibility of Dreams Hoped for where Love is finally found?

Is it both, or is it neither of these?

How would you arrange the stones?


Lettered Betters, Part I

you cannot help someone else by wasting your own life in a twisted sense of solidarity. All we can do is honor the life we’ve been given because it’s an insult to those who lack to throw away what we have” – Hetty Eliot

This statement resonates with me; I have been trying to remember to remind myself of the relationship between privilege (good fortune) and responsibility (opportunity).

Sometimes the mnemonic that works is thinking of your fortune as a coin: the other side is responsibility – work to be done for others, and the world, by extension.

Everybody has fortune of some size; their coin might be big or it might be seemingly small, at any given moment. But when you have one side of it, you just as certainly have the other. Just flip that thing over.

The flip-side of this is that when you find yourself somewhat burdened by some responsibility, remember that it’s attached to gifts you’ve been given to bear it – gifts others would gladly be given, given the chance or choice.

There is no separating the “good” from the “bad” – they are all a part of something bigger, as are we.

But that is but one woman’s opinion among a very many.